


The Case of Allen Walker's Preference

by jy24



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:46:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23392711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jy24/pseuds/jy24
Summary: Come attend the trial of Allen Walker as we try to solve the biggest mystery of them all: is Allen gay or just British? Inspiration from 'Legally Blonde the Musical'.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	The Case of Allen Walker's Preference

It was supposed to be just like any other typical morning where he would wake up and do his routine warmup exercise, not being rudely woke up by the thundering knocking on his bedroom door. He knew better than to answer it but the childish curiosity of his just got the better of him and so he just went ahead and opened it. And from there it was just a roller-coaster ride involving being dragged across the Black Order hallways by his guest he has yet to identify, through the confusing and unreasonably towering staircase and finally into what appears to be a last-minute made courtroom. 

He was then unceremoniously dumped onto what he would say a suspect’s platform, facing all his friends *cough* BaKanda *cough*, all the Finders and most of the Science Department. He turns around to get a hold of the situation and found Komui wearing what was supposed to be a judge’s outfit and Reever in a polish uniform, the latter seems uncomfortable in that. The Finders were all seated in what he could imagine as a witnessing platform and some of his Exorcist friends were on the lawyers’ table. He wasn’t really good with this since he had never been to court before, that was supposed to be Master Cross place to be. He was still trying to find ways to get that man to even step into court. 

“Now that the suspect has arrived, we will now proceed with the case of Allen Walker’s secret affair.” Komui’s voice rang loud and clear for all to hear, Allen nearly chokes after hearing that. He kept his poker face on but the inside of him was panicking; how did they find out?! He had been very careful with everything he did and so did his lover. Whatever was going to happen, he will not be the one to spill the beans. 

“So Mr. Walker, do pray tell the court about what your duties were as an Exorcist of the Black Order.” He sees Lenalee pacing in front of him, must be suspicious of him having an affair too. But he wasn’t going to give it away, not even to her too. 

“Exorcising Akumas.” He answered sincerely, wondering why asking the obvious. 

“Could you explain to the court what item that I’m holding that was found in Miranda’s room?” Lenalee showed everyone a black blindfold with a name ‘ALLEN WALKER’ in white stitches. It was strange to have found something as innocent as that in that German lady’s room, but knowing Allen being an apprentice of Cross, you never know what sort of things you could do with a blindfold. 

“That is just a blindfold I used during training.” Allen answered without a beat. He should have suspected that something was missing from his room, he had been looking for that for days. ‘This is all your fault!’ He thought as he blamed his lover. 

“Well now, could you explain why a blindfold of yours was found in the defendant’s room?” Lenalee was suspecting it, good thing that she didn’t know his real lover is. He’ll just play along, better than them finding out his real lover. 

“If you so wanted to know, Miranda and I are lovers.” The whole room gasped at Allen’s unexpected and unashamed statement, poor Miranda was trying to deny it but Allen’s face was more convincing. ‘Sorry Miranda, can’t have them finding out the truth. I’ll try to pay you back some other time.’ Allen thought, keeping his best poker face on.

Tiedoll whispered something to Miranda before standing up and told Komi to have a 10-minute recess as they discuss what they should do to prove Miranda’s innocent and Allen’s affair. Everyone was shocked at the news while Miranda was profoundly sweating from all the questioning. Allen let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and went out to breathe some fresh air. 

Lenalee was pacing outside the courtroom, she knew that Allen was having an affair but she also knew that he couldn’t be having it with Miranda. Miranda was too shy and modest to do it and Allen can’t be that forceful. She was so concentrating on her thinking that she accidentally bumped into someone and dropped her papers. She bends down to pick them up, she saw Allen walking back to the room without so much as look at her. 

Suddenly struck with a hunch, she drops the papers again and did the bend and snap. Still no reaction from Allen Walker. With sudden realization, she ran back to the courtroom to tell the news. 

“Guys, look at this!” She calls out to her friends as she did the bend and snap before them all. Almost instantly, all the male population looked at her, except Kanda. Lavi being the most obvious one, drooled from the display. “Did you all see it?” She asked, ignoring the cries of one sister-complex maniac.

“Not really, can you do it one more time?” That earned a quick smack on the head on the Bookman Apprentice, curtesy of Bookman. While the other female population was glaring at the males for such shameful staring. 

“I did the same thing in front of Allen and nothing, so he couldn’t be having an affair with Miranda.” The others weren’t so convinced with it, they thought it could be some other reasons like Allen was just being a gentleman. 

“Wait, I remembered that there was this one time I was walking by his door and heard another male’s moan. I knew for sure that it was not Allen’s!” Miranda exclaimed brightly, finally found something to defend her innocence.

“Miss Lee,” behind them was Link, and he wasn’t happy about being dragged to participate such foolish performance, but it was all he could do if he wants Lavi Bookman to stop pestering him. “Just because Walker was unlike everyone else, you can’t accuse him of preferring men from just your observation. I have watched him for a while and I can tell you that Walker is not gay.” 

“I must agree with Link, you can’t just assume with a simple ‘bend and snap’.” Tiedoll looked very uncomfortable saying that, but he was sure that there must be some misunderstanding.

“I can prove it. Not only is Miranda too shy to have any intimate feelings with Allen, but there are also other reasons as well.” Lenalee statement just as soon as they all saw Allen walking back to his platform.

Lenalee:   
There! Right There! Look at that tan, that tinted skin.Look at the killer shape he's in.Look at that slightly subtly chin.Oh please he's gay, totally gay.

Tiedoll:  
I'm not about to celebrate. Every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate. This guy's not gay, I say not gay.

Everyone:  
That is the elephant in the room. Well, is it relevant to assume, that a man who wears perfume, is automatically magically fay?

Unaware of everyone’s staring, Allen continues to play with his hair. Unintentionally looked very handsome.

Lavi:  
But look at his quota and silky locks.

Lenalee:  
Look at his silk translucent socks.

Tiedoll:   
There's the eternal paradox. Look what we're seeing.

Lenalee:  
What are we seeing?

Tiedoll:  
Is he gay?

Lenalee: Of course he's gay.

Tiedoll: Or British?

They all sat there, thinking over and over again about the facts they know about Allen.

Everyone:  
Ohhhhhh. Gay or British? It's hard to guarantee. Is he gay or British?

Everyone then slowly turned towards Link who was wondering why they were all staring at him as if he knew something they don’t.

Link:  
Hey, I don’t have the answer.

General Klaud was also dragged into this mess and knew that she wasn’t going anywhere if the case was not solved. So she just states what she knew as long as it was true to her knowledge.

Klaud:  
You see they bring their boys up different, in those charming foreign ports. They play peculiar sports.

Everyone:  
In shiny shirts and tiny shorts. Gay or foreign fella? The answer could take weeks. They will say things like "ciao bella" while they kiss you on both cheeks.

Lenalee:  
Oh, please.

Everyone: Gay or British? So many shades of grey!

Link:  
Depending on the time of day, the French go either way.

Everyone:Is he gay or British? Gay or-

The Asian Branch Head came willingly after he received news about Walker’s case and wanted to prove Allen was not guilty. (He just wanted to make sure that Allen was not having an affair with Lenalee.)

Bak:  
There! Right There! Look at that condescending smirk. Seen it on every guy at work. That is a metro-hector jerk. That guy's not gay, I say no way.

Everyone:  
That is the elephant in the room. Well is it relevant to presume. That a hottie in that costume,

Lenalee:  
Is automatically, radically

Tiedoll:  
Ironically, chronically

Klaud:   
Scrutiny, certainly

Link:   
Genetically, nautically

Everyone:  
Gay! Officially Gay! Officially Gay, Gay, Gay, Gay!

All of them then saw Allen winking at Roufa who came with Bak to sit through the trial, she blushed when she saw him flirting with her. Everyone then had a disappointing aura just when they thought they had Allen figured out.

Dammit! Gay or British?

Tiedoll:   
So stylish and relaxed.

Everyone:  
Is he gay or British?

Tiedoll:  
I think his chest is waxed.

Klaud:  
But they bring their boys up different there. It's culturally diverse. It's not a fashion curse.

Everyone:  
If he wears a kilt or bears a purse. Gay or just exotic? I still can't crack the code.

Miranda:  
Yet his accent is hypnotic, but his shoes are pointy-toed.

Everyone: Huh. Gay or British? So many shades of grey.

Roufa(whispering to both of her friends, Rikei and Shifu):   
But if he turns out straight, I'm free at 8 on Saturday.

Everyone:  
Is he gay or British? Gay or British? Gay or Bri-

Lavi:   
Wait a minute! Give me a chance to crack the Beansprout, I have an idea I'd like to try.

Tiedoll:  
Go ahead. The floor is yours.

Lavi confidently walks out to question Allen. Allen saw him coming and prepared himself for it. He will stay strong and thought out all the answers the redhead would ask.

Lavi:   
So Mr. Walker...This alleged affair with Ms. Lotto has been going on for...?

Allen:  
2 years.

Lavi:   
And your first name again is...? 

Allen:   
Allen.

Lavi:   
And your boyfriend's name is...?

Allen:  
Tyki...  
?!

Allen choked on his own saliva when he realized that he had accidentally said his lover’s name! Everyone was shocked to hear that, they grasped at the revelation. Allen is gay!

Allen:  
I'm sorry! I misunderstood! You said boyfriend, I thought you said nemesis! Tyki is my nemesis.

Allen smoothly lied about it, he reinforced his poker face to looked more convincing at his slipup. Just when he thought he had gotten away with it, someone just smashed his hopes of retaining his innocent.

There, at the door stood that one person that Allen feared to appear at the moment. Tyki Mikk. And the Noah looked angry because of the lousy lie Allen came up with.

Tyki:  
You bastard! You lying bastard! That's it! I'm covering for you, no more! Black Order! I have a big announcement! This boy is gay and British! You've got to stop your beinga complete closet case. No matter what he say, I swear he never ever ever swing the other way. You are so gay, You big parfait! You flaming boy in cabaret-

Allen:  
I'm straight!

Tyki:  
You were not yesterday.

Allen’s face completely flushed red, he tried to cover his face from the embarrassment as Tyki rounded his arm over the boy’s shoulder and effectively brought him closer.

Tyki:  
So if I may, I'm proud to say, He's gay!

Everyone:  
And British! 

Tyki: He's gay!

Everyone:  
And British!

Tyki:  
He's gay!

Everyone:  
And British and Gay!

Allen: Fine! Okay, I'm gay!

Allen finally confessed with a very red face that could rival Lavi’s red flaming hair and kissed Tyki hard on the lips as everyone shouted: HOORAY!

Allen and Tyki:  
Fine. Okay. We're gay!

And with that, the case is close, with the Noah of Pleasure phasing through the door with Allen in his arms. Running towards somewhere else where no one wants to find out when they knew the smirk on Tyki’s face: Allen is not going to be walking for a week.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm new here in this account. To celebrate my new arrival, I present to you a little laugh to start off my account with. I really hope that all of you will enjoy this.


End file.
